A couple weeks ago I was getting my hair cut and was very chatty with my hairstylist (which is not my norm, usually I am very quiet and just zone out enjoying the pampering). We got on the topic of marriage, which I can talk very easily about. My stylist was asking me about my relationship and how I felt about marriage. I have actually had this similar conversation a lot lately. Even at church this week we were discussing marriage and how to be One as a family. One of the questions was, "How do we teach the youth of today about marriage?" I raised my hand and was very honest.
Marriage isn't easy.It takes work. But the joy you find in your relationship is unlike any joy you will experience. I really enjoyed taking a couple marriage classes in my 20's. One was when I was single and around 23 and the second was when I was engaged and 28/29. One of the MOST IMPORTANT things that we were taught was that COMMITMENT is they key to a successful marriage, not love. When you first meet someone and "fall in love" you have this euphoric feeling, you look past many faults, and revel in the newness of this person. Eventually that "twiterpated" feeling goes away and you are truly faced with, "Do I love this person? Is it real? Do I want to continue forward or are there deal breakers?". Now while this "in love" stage is important, it is not true genuine real love. Love is wanting to continue one despite hardship, love is wanting to share your life with someone, good, bad, and ugly.
Love is commitment.
Throughout marriage you will have periods where you are head over heels for that person, and other times you will want to punch them in the face, but what matters is the commitment to work through things, to put aside one's pride and truly communicate with each other. Pride is a very difficult thing. Often we are tempted to put up walls when someone has hurt us, but in marriage you CAN NOT put up walls. You CAN NOT shut the other person out. You must learn to put your pride aside, to be "the bigger man" and say "I'm sorry.". Sometimes even if you were in the right.
Space is important, time to cool off is important, but you must always come back together and move beyond the issue. Whether that means just letting it go, or talking through it.
Communication is key. We all change. The things we wanted 2 years ago will be different than what we want now. It is important to always have an open dialogue with your spouse about dreams, and goals. To talk about what each person wants, and how to achieve these dreams together. To always stay on the same page so that you are not blindsided later.
Being aware of one's self is also important. Last year my husband and I had a difficult period. I was complaining a lot, and would vent frequently, and got upset easily. I had no patience, and often came across as unhappy. My husband is a very laid back guy, and my demeanor was really hard for him.We argued, and we were both unhappy, but we didn't really address things. Thankfully we are both committed to making our marriage work, and we opened the communication up, (sometimes writing things down helps you to get your thoughts and feelings in order so you can discuss things in a calmer more productive way) he shared with me how my negativity was affecting him, and I have made a concerted effort to let things go and be happier.
My husband doesn't need to know that a driver pissed me off, it's not important, so I don't need to share it and bring that negativity into our home. I still share my feelings (trust me I do!) but I try to share what's important and let the smaller things roll off my back. And we are happier and I am happier because of it.
When we are Spiritually where we should be our marriage is so much better. When we say our daily prayers together, and read our scriptures together, and attend our Sunday meetings and frequently go to the temple, our marriage, our relationship, our love is so much stronger, and deeper, and happier.
Intimacy is important. Let me say that again, Intimacy is important! And I'm not just talking about sex. Holding hands, kissing, snuggling, butt grabs...all these things are important. Intimacy solidifies your bond with one another. When you are intimate with your spouse there is no room for pride, and anger. Because love and sharing love is the antithesis of pride and anger. It is important to show your spouse you love them and find them attractive. Sex within the bonds of marriage is the most sacred act you can partake in on this earth. It is truly a Oneness with your spouse. I can honestly tell you, when my husband and I are actively intimate with one another we are happier and more fulfilled as a couple. It makes me sad when I hear of women that talk negatively about sex. It is a chore to be checked off a list. When women are so unhappy with themselves that they are too afraid to show their body to their husbands. A truly healthy marriage is one where judgement is put at the door, especially in moments of intimacy!A husband should nurture his wife, tell her she is beautiful and worship her body. A wife should compliment her husband's body and lavish him with affection. God gave us sex to become One with our spouse and to further the bonds of love and commitment. Sex is ordained of God, it is not dirty. And I promise you ladies, your hubby is NOT noticing the jiggly parts! He is enjoying the whole experience that is you! He loves you and married you! Don't be afraid to leave the lights on! Take down that wall and truly share yourself with your husband, you will become closer and happier for it. I love being married! Like I said, "It's not easy, but it is soooo worth it!" Enjoy!
I'm FABULOUS! At least, that's what this image conveys! When we are children we are free. We have wild imaginations, abundance of energy, we are daring, and we are the heroes of our daydreams. We sing and dance with abandon. We love the cheesiest, silliest things. If we want to rock crazy socks and a red hair bow, we do! Give us the backyard and it becomes our kingdom, our stage for all sorts of epic adventures. We aren't worried if our hair is unbrushed, or we have a hole in our tights, we just want to explore and learn, and be. As adults we lose this bravery, this imagination, this belief that anything is possible. And as adults we let practicality over shadow dreams. Many of us had parents that as we got older no longer told us we could be cowboys, or princesses, or space rangers, we had to do something responsible, that was reliable. And though not bad advice, it certainly took away some of our passion. Things started to seem too far fetched and unattainable, so we set our sights lower.
Well I'm here to say, set those sights high!DREAM again! Branch out, follow your passions, follow your dreams. Stop saying one day and DO IT! Want to travel? DO IT! Want to write a book? DO IT! Want to open your own business? DO IT!
Do the things that scare you, that inspire you, that intrigue you. Start researching places you want to go, or how to get published, or where would be the best place to open your business. Even if you never do some things, you can get inspired through the research and the learning that can send you down a path to something even greater that you never would have thought of before. Surround yourself with the things that make you happy, that get your creative juices flowing. Get outside and enjoy the beauty of nature, take a class, give service. DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU A BETTER YOU! CONTINUE TO BE FABULOUS!
In keeping with the theme of Learning To Love Yourself of the last post, I thought I would share this wonderful TED Talk by Leta Greene. She speaks about how to change the way you perceive yourself, and how to build your inner beauty and confidence. It is a great talk, and she is so fun to watch. Check it out!
Follow Me On Pinterest I recently started a job as a wedding dress consultant. In the short time I have been there it has been amazing to me the amount of women that have such intense body issues. They have flaws that only their eyes can see. Just yesterday I had a woman who thought her hips were emphasized in a dress, when actually the dress made her hips look smaller. All she kept saying to me was that she didn't like her body, and that she felt so unpretty. This woman had her daughter and fiance with her, who both adored her. She has a man who thinks she is amazingly gorgeous, and it showed all over his face. Her daughter kept telling her she was so pretty in each and every dress, yet this woman could not see how beautiful she was, and how her curves are soft and lovely.
I have seen it most of my life, as a young girl who took ballet, as a teenager with my own misconceptions of my body, and as an adult working in the fashion industry. Body issues are ridiculous!
Do I adore my body 100%? Honestly, no. Could this and that be smaller? Sure. Could I be healthier? Yes, and I am working on that. But, I KNOW I'M BEAUTIFUL! I decided many years ago to enjoy the things that I find beautiful about myself. I have incredibly soft smooth skin. I love my big blue eyes, widows peak, cute nose, lips that look really pretty in colored lipstick, my boobs, my dancer feet. I love what my body can do, I also remind myself that body is a work of art created by God. I love that my husband finds me beautiful and sexy as hell!
I remember at about 19, while I was a leader for Young Women's Camp for church I had a revelation. I always wore shorts with my swimsuit because I was self conscious about my thighs. One day we were at the lake and I just decided, screw this, I don't want to wear shorts, no one here cares, so I went shorts less and it was awesome. It was so freeing to just accept my body for what it was. I was a healthy, active young woman, and I wanted to have fun at the lake. That moment was a big turn around for me in accepting who I am. As I have gotten older, and matured, that "Screw It" attitude has only grown, and I am so thankful. I do things when I want to do them, I don't wait around for others if I want to go see a movie, I stand up for myself, I stand up for those I love, I look in the mirror and make sure I find something positive.
Stop judging yourself against what "society" tells you is beautiful. I recently heard that Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt would cling to each other in pain during the filming of The Devil Wears Prada because they were so hungry and starving themselves to be skinny. Is starvation really all that attractive? NO it is not!! We look at these people in the media and think they have it all, but who wants to subsist on raw veggies and water all the time, and never have a juicy steak, or a couple of scoops of delicious ice cream? Certainly not me! We are more than our waist size, our dress size. We are more than our physical.We have been created by an amazing God, who created us in His image. We are DIVINE! We are Queens! We have Eternal purpose!Develop your talents, share them. Spread joy, and love, and acceptance. BE YOU!
